


Catharsis

by quietcarnage



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angry Peter Parker, Avengers Tower, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, EDITH glasses, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Heavy Angst, Illusions, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Misses Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie) Spoilers, Survivor Guilt, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:34:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21731527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quietcarnage/pseuds/quietcarnage
Summary: Peter confronts Tony about all the shit he's been through since Endgame. How alone he feels, how the weight of the world was dumped onto a high school kid, and how Tony swore he'd always be there.Until he wasn't.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 63





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> ENDGAME AND FFH SPOILERS  
> You have been warned. I know it's been months since the movies came out but better safe than sorry amiright?  
> Anyways, enjoy this 3am angst while I cry about Peter and Tony forever thank you.

Peter turned, slowly, taking in the spacious room around him. Though he'd only seen the inside of the Avengers tower in photos or videos before, standing in it now, he realized those photos never truly did it justice.

The common area he was currently in was made almost entirely out of glass, allowing the glimmer of the city beneath to cast a light glow into the otherwise dim room. There were staircases leading to different levels of the same floor, making the room appear even more spacious. With the addition of the bar at the lowest level right next to the abundance of couches, it was easy to see how well prepared the area was for parties. 

He could almost picture living here with the Avengers, taking the elevator straight to the top and back down to earth every day and having his ears pop with the altitude. He could see himself draped across the couch, fiddling with his web shooters as the Black Widow poured herself a drink, Clint on the other side of the bar cracking jokes while Captain America sits adjacent to him reading the morning news.

He ran his fingertips along the couch as he imagined what his life could have been. It was domestic, and comforting. A nice thought, really, but it wasn't why he was here. 

The elevator behind him made a soft, rumbling noise, then a _ding_ before the doors slid silently open. Peter didn't need to turn around to know exactly who it was. 

"Peter? What are you doing here, it’s a school night."

"Hi Mr. Stark."

Peter took in a shaky breath. He didn’t know if he was ready to face his mentor just yet. If he even deserved to look him in the eye after the shitshow that was Europe.

“How many times have I told you to just call me Tony?” He shook his head as he strolled into Peter’s line of sight, “I lose another year every time I hear ‘Mr. Stark’ you know. See, there goes another one.”

The mechanic unceremoniously dropped into the couch, allowing himself to sink into the cushion before adjusting himself upright. Peter watched the older man with a glint of amusement, but otherwise remained unmoving where he was. 

The comfortable smile slowly fell off his mentors lips as Peter continued to just stand there silently, fingers tracing the leather couch. Tony sat up straight. “Peter, what’s wrong?”

Another shaky breath. This time accompanied by an uncertain smile.

“Nothing.” He shook his head, plastering a hopefully more convincing smile on his face, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just really glad to be back, that’s all. I was having a pretty great day today. I got a 100 on my last bio test, and-”

“Pete, you know you haven’t been back to school in months, and you don’t actually li-”

“Let me pretend!” He snapped. Where he expected hurt and judgement, the look on Tony’s face was only sympathetic. Peter clenched his eyes shut and turned away, embarrassed at his outburst. “S-sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell. I’ve just… It’s been… tough.”

“I know. You wanna tell me about it?”

“You know what happened.”

“It still helps to talk. 

At those words, it was like a dam broke. "Maybe I don’t _want_ to talk about how badly I messed up! How I messed up so bad because I wanted to do the right thing. How I just wanted to go on my school trip and _not_ worry about having any responsibility for once, but all I did was end up making everything worse." He choked on his tears as Tony stood before him, an unreadable expression on his face. "I put the people I love in danger. I put the world in danger. I put my life at risk. I got hit by a fucking train! I got my identity exposed by someone I thought I could trust, _Tony,_ and the worst part is that _you weren't there_!" Peter could feel the sting of the words even before they left his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to stop either.

"You weren't there! You gave me all the responsibility, and you left the safety of the entire world in my hands! Why would you do that to me? Why leave it to someone like me? I'm just a kid Mr. Stark. I'm just- I can’t..." his body shook with sobs. “I can’t do this alone.”

“Pete, I-”

“No! No I’m not done talking yet! You listen to me! For once just listen! Do you have any idea how scary this has been? You were supposed to be there for me, but you weren’t! You ignored me, you told me I wasn’t ready, but suddenly you’re gone and you dump all this… this responsibility on my hands and you just leave! I want to be angry. I wanna be angry at you so bad. You left me here, alone, and I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I wanna be so damn pissed at you… But I’m not.” He shook his head, fighting back the tears. “I feel like it’s just getting worse. Villains, people that _you_ pissed off are coming after _me_ Tony. _I’m_ the one who has to deal with the fallout because no one else will! You said that New York was going to be okay because it had me, but it’s _not.”_

“ _I’m_ not… I…” He choked back a sob, taking in a deep, unstable breath. He could see his reflection in the shiny glass window, eyes red and puffy with emotion, “I’m a mess. This is so pointless.” He huffed, bitterly smiled to himself and swept the hair out of his face. “Why did I even bother.”

"Peter…” Tony tried cautiously, “Hey. Look at me."

Peter steeled himself, reluctantly looking up to meet the brown eyes of his hero, who stared fiercely back.

"I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I left this mess behind, but I wouldn't have done it if I didn't think you could handle it. And I _know_ you can handle it, kid. You're the strongest, best, most capable hero out there. You _are_ a hero, Peter. I'm sorry. I wish I could be there with you right now, you know I do. Just hang in there, kiddo. You're going to be okay. I know it’s scary, and it feels like it’s never going to get better, but I promise it will." Tony paused, looking down at his knees, “I… I didn’t know it would get this bad. I thought that after Thanos, what could possibly happen? I guess I wasn’t thinking enough for the little guy, huh?” Peter laughed, nodding in remembrance of that conversation they had all those years ago. Back when he had turned down the Avengers. “This, Peter, is why New York - no - _the world_ is safe with you. You are so much better than I will ever be. And I’m the best there is.”

He paused there, just to take in the scene, to process what he had just heard, and chuckle at the inescapable snark that Stark consistently carried with him. Part of him wanted to believe every word he had heard to be true, while another part simply didn’t care. Tony was here now, and that was what mattered.

"People keep asking me if I'm going to be the next Iron Man." He muttered, wiping at his eyes.

"What do you think?"

"It doesn't feel right. It feels like the world's trying to replace you. It's just not right. I don’t want the world to move on already, and I don't _want_ to be the next Iron Man."

"No, you're not. You won’t be replacing me, and I’ll say it again if I have to: You're gonna be better."

Peter nodded, smiling slightly as he attempted to stop his tears “Ah, god. I s-said I didn’t wanna talk about it.” He hiccupped.

“Well hey, yelling at me did make you feel better, didn't it?” Tony smirked.

“A lot, yeah.”

“Alright, but that wasn’t all now, was it? You didn’t drag yourself all the way up to the tower just to chew me out, did you?

He shook his head.

“What else did you have to tell me?”

“If I say it, then it becomes real. I don’t know if I'm ready for that yet. I don’t know if I’m ready to move on.”

“You have to say it, you’ll regret it if you don’t. You know what’s gonna happen soon. You’ll never get the chance again.”

"I know."

“Go on.”

Peter took in a deep breath. "Did you know that the first time I met you, I remember thinking like ‘wow, this can’t be for real. Tony Stark is in my living room right now eating Aunt May’s date loaf. What the hell?’ I couldn’t believe it! You were my idol. My hero. I’d looked up to you more than anyone else since I was a kid. I begged my parents to take me to Stark Expo so I could see you, and then when you took me under your wing? Made me a suit of your own design? I was sure that I was dreaming.” He smiled. “But I never woke up. It was like I got to play superheroes all the time. I took down villains, got to team up with you and the Avengers, I got to travel, and everyone loved me. It was so cool! A very real dream come true.”

“But then you...“ He bit his lip. Tony watched him calmly, eyes encouraging him to go on. “It’s okay, Peter. Say it.” 

“When you… died. It was like waking up to a bucket of ice water. You were a constant in my life, you were like a father to me, and to have you ripped away immediately after I woke up after getting dusted… it just didn’t feel like a victory. It never did. It was like Thanos won on Titan and I’m still blipped. When you died, I honestly wished that he had just killed me outright. It would have hurt less.”

“And now that you’re gone, all I can think about are my regrets. Like how I wish I got to spend more time with you. I wish I took you up on that offer to join the Avengers. I wish I told you how much you meant to me. I feel like I missed out on such a great relationship, and I know I’ll never get someone like you in my life again, and it’s not fair. It should’ve been me that died, Tony. I had the gauntlet, I had the chance. You shouldn’t have died, it should’ve been me." Peter cried, sinking to his knees. His shoulders shook with sobs as Tony rushed down after him.

"Hey, no, shush. None of that now. I’m glad I did what I did and I don't regret it for a second. I’m going to say this as many goddamn times as I need to for it to sink in: the world’s safe without me, because it’s got you, Pete. I don’t know that I could have kept on living my life without you in it, without knowing you were safe. I’m glad you’re alive kid. Don't you ever beat yourself up about it. No one knew that this was how it was gonna work out. Well, besides Strange of course."

Peter let the silence hang in the air as he mulled over the words before an amused smile threatened the upper corners of his lips, and he let out a heavy sigh.

“I don’t know what I'm gonna do without you, Tony.”

“I dunno, crash and burn?” 

Peter chuckled darkly at that one. “Been there, done that.” He stared at the comforting face of his mentor, and for the first time, didn’t see a symbol of guilt staring back at him. It was as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“I know, Peter. Are you ready, then?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.” Which was a lie of course. How does one simply prepare themselves for life without a loved one? He would never be over it, he knew that for a fact. But at the very least, it was like he finally got to say goodbye properly. It would never completely heal, but Peter felt in that moment, that things were going to start getting better.

“Alright.” Tony stood up with a smile, walking back to the elevator he had arrived in, and pausing briefly before he hit a button.

“Hey, Peter?” He called out.

“Yeah?”

“They look good on you. I knew they would, but… it suits you. It really does.”

Peter smiled. “Thanks. They were a gift.”

Tony pressed a button, smiling at the young hero one final time. “Go break some eggs. I love you kid.”

The elevator doors slid closed on Tony’s face slowly, the proud grin never leaving his expression.

Barely audible, Peter whispered back to open air,

“I love you too.”

Blue, pixelated lights enveloped the space where the elevator doors had been, leaving behind a gaping, dark doorway plummeting to the bottom of the tower. Peter turned around, taking one final look at the golden, shining common room as it had been before the illusion faded, and left him in a cold, empty, disassembled room. 

Tarps and construction tape littered the floor, and blueprints had been laid across a plastic table. The workers would be back in the morning to finish tearing the place down. Tomorrow night, Avengers Tower would officially be no more, and the night after that, construction on the new interior would begin.

It was over.

Peter reached up to his face, double tapping the sides of his glasses frames as the illusions completely vanished.

“Thank you, EDITH.”

He sat down on the cold cement floor, and found himself wishing that the couches hadn’t just been illusions, before he finally took the glasses off. 

A self therapy machine, huh?

It certainly was much better than being commander of a fully weaponized drone army.

Peter dabbed at the remainder of the tears on his face with his sleeve. Even though none of it had been real, to him in the moment, it had been real enough. It was exactly what he needed to begin the process of moving on. 

Life without Tony Stark.

Checking his phone, he found it was nearing 5AM. Soon the sun would rise, and his aunt would find his bed empty, the bedroom window wide open. Definitely a cause for concern. She wouldn’t know that he had gone to sneak into the old tower, seeking closure. She wouldn’t know he was bawling his eyes out like a child and venting his frustrations to an empty room. 

But not anymore. He was done wallowing in the past. It was time to get out there and deal with the hand life had dealt him. He would be okay. After all, the only way he was left with to go was forward.

Taking one final look at the remnants of the old Avengers Tower, and it’s illusioned comfort and design toward domesticity, he put on his mask, trying not to imagine what he could have missed out on, and swung off.

Maybe in another life. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just really miss him.  
> Leave a comment! It'll make my day and cheer me up <3


End file.
